"Spirituality is not about achieving something but receiving something. It is about living in a continuous awareness that we are the beloved of God."

²¹ Now when all the people were baptized and when Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heaven was opened, ²² and the Holy Spirit descended upon him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.” Luke 3:21-22

On New Year's Day, my email inbox was a disaster zone, trying to convince me to feel guilt and inadequacy. It started with mild self-help articles like "8 ways to keep your resolutions year-round." Lose weight fast with Noom. Meet your hydration goals with the Hydro Flask stainless steel water bottle. Track your goals with this moleskin journal. As if that weren’t enough, there were stories of overachievers reading 75 books, mastering Swahili, and learning to prepare a souffle. Who are these people?

Am I the only one who finds New Year's resolutions overwhelming and even oppressive? On December 31, I thought I was doing OK, mostly comfortable in my skin. The next day, the world wants a new me. It adds to the pressure to be more productive and constantly transforming myself. What do I know what a whole year may bring? The best things of last year had nothing to do with resolutions.

So, on Friday, I celebrated National Quitters Day. Did you know that many resolutions fall by the wayside on the second Friday of every year? Why not celebrate freedom from the cult of excessive self-improvement? Arby's changed its menu to help everyone avoid their diets by rebranding their menu for the day. They renamed their French fries and steamed vegetables. You could order a salad with dressing and walk away with a double beef and cheddar in the bag, but your resolutions are intact.

If you love New Year's resolutions and find fulfillment in yours, knock yourself out. But surveys show that only 10 percent of people feel they achieved their resolutions. Maybe the whole process if flawed. Christian spirituality offers a different path. The phrase "self-improvement" occurs precisely zero times in the Bible. The Bible encourages us to find our best nature, to love one another, to do justice, and to embrace the fruits of the spirit, such as love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, and kindness. That sounds like a lot of effort. However, the spiritual path has a different starting point. In his book Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen wrote:

"Spirituality is not about achieving something but receiving something. It is about living in a continuous awareness that we are the beloved of God."

Listen to the metaphors for spiritual development from the scriptures:

· "I am the vine, and you are the branches. Abide in me, and I will abide in you."

· "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

· Jeremiah described God as the potter who works with clay and fashions the human soul into an elegant form.

Christian spirituality begins with the outflowing of God's love. If we are willing to receive it, divine love will heal us, free us, and teach us wisdom. This transformation comes not from efforts at self-improvement but through sacrament. The sacraments, baptism and communion, are visible signs that we can touch and relate to, and they symbolize the invisible grace that gifts us with love. When the waters of baptism flow over us, we are submerged in the womb of life from oceans and rivers. The Hydro Flask company correctly says we should be well-hydrated, but they don't tell us why. Baptism tells us that hydration is sacramental, linking us back to God and inviting us to receive life. Spirituality is not simply about eating a healthy diet but recognizing that our eating is communion. We are consuming the earth's gifts; at Christ’s table we are symbolically taking in the body of God. Life is received as a gift.

In baptism, Jesus does not achieve anything. John does not baptize Jesus because he passed a test and is now ready to graduate. Jesus does not become a messiah because he is the brightest student in the Yeshiva, that he fed more hungry people, or discovered some great superpower. We know almost nothing about Jesus from birth to baptism. We don't know how much he struggled with who he was, if he had doubts about God, fell in love, had his heart broken, or how many times he struck out in Little League baseball. His background is shockingly unimportant compared to modern sympathies. The ancient Gospel writings show us that Jesus is who he is because of his willingness to receive a calling and direction from the Divine. So, he puts himself in cousin John's hands to be submerged in water. He receives the baptism of repentance, literally the baptism of metanoia, the baptism of turning around to a new life.

What Jesus receives in baptism may seem too simple since we have been so conditioned to the promises of advertising. The Holy Spirit is present to him, and God says, "You are my beloved, and in you I am well-pleased." There isn't a game plan to get 12 disciples, communicate God's strategic initiatives, how to handle Pharisees, or tips to expand his social media outreach. Jesus doesn't even get any prophetic "thus sayeth the Lord." Just the simple, “You are my beloved.” It all begins with love flowing in, so love can flow out.

Baptism reminds us that grace is a gift, freely received. But living out this grace can feel challenging in a society that values constant achievement. Practices like prayer and meditation—rooted in stillness—help us embrace this divine love, though they can seem like 'doing nothing' at first."

Think about how Advent is different than New Years’ resolutions. The key words to Advent are watch and wait. We sing hymns like “Let all mortal flesh keep silence.” “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.” The Christian liturgical year begins by learning to keep silent and listen for God.

Thomas Keating, an originator of the Centering Prayer movement, said, “God’s first language is silence.” Silence is hard because we are not in control. We are learning to stop and receive, and how it helps us is mysterious. You can’t stand on a scale and weigh how well you prayed. In the moment it can be frustrating, but after a few weeks you start to realize a greater sense of well-being.

Here are a few more practical examples of what I mean by faith is received, not achieved. Wisdom is cultivated, not collected—more like gardening than coin collecting. Wisdom isn't under your control. You can read hundreds of books, travel the world, and get a Masters degree, but not embrace wisdom. Many have knowledge and will tell you about it for hours. But they still do the dumbest things. It's painful to watch someone make the same mistake repeatedly and never learn anything. While some people graduate from the School of Hard Knocks with wisdom, others fail to pass the test because they are stuck in blame, excuses, and resentments.

Wisdom requires humility. You must know the limits of your thinking and experience. Arrogance turns false assumptions into certainty, which leads to failure. A wise person isn't afraid to ask questions and admit they don't know something. A mentor of mine, Gail, was a master at cultivating wisdom. As the Executive Director of Hudson River Housing, she would consult a handful of people with differing viewpoints before making a decision. Her choices weren’t about finding a consensus but about listening deeply and crafting a response that balanced organizational values, and assessed the risks that went with the decision. Gail’s wisdom was received, not achieved—it came from her willingness to listen.

The greatest lessons are often learned when we admit a mistake. When I must look someone in the eye and say, "I was wrong," I don't forget that. If I apologize, fully admit how my words and actions have hurt someone, and listen to their response, that creates change. I don't want to be in that situation again and feel shame or humiliation or that I have caused pain. When you apologize, you embrace your actions and become a little wiser. When you can't apologize, you fail to take responsibility, you hide from the truth about yourself, and you will likely fall short again. Some people think you should never admit a mistake and never apologize because it makes them look weak. In truth, it just shows that a person is an insecure fool, and you can't trust them. It means they will never truly see you or value you.

In the new year, set aside the relentless pursuit of self-improvement and embrace the deeper truth that spirituality begins not with achieving but receiving. The love of God, revealed in baptism and communion, is not a reward for our efforts but a gift freely given. When we open our hearts to that love, it flows through us, shaping us into who we are meant to be.

You don’t have to be perfect, just listen well—to God, to one another, and to the silence where God’s voice often speaks. As we receive love, let it flow outward, creating the beloved community we all long for.

Remember the words spoken to Jesus at his baptism: “You are my beloved, and in you I am well-pleased.” These words are not only for him—they are for you, too. Carry them with you, Let them guide your journey.